Types of Affairs
It is very important to understand that there is not just one kind of affair. An affair could be a physical affair, emotional affair, a short-term affair or a long-term affair.
A physical affair is usually short-term and happens when people are missing the spark from their marriage that they initially felt towards their spouse. However, there are a lot of people who get involved in long-term physical affairs to fulfil the needs that their marriage isn’t able to fulfil.
An emotional affair usually lasts longer and is more dangerous because it may cause a marriage to end. If in a marriage one partner isn’t able to find any kind of emotional fulfilment from their spouse they are likely to drift from their partner for good. Emotional affairs are stronger and can usually be carried out long-distance as well. Emotional affairs may usually begin when a person has had a fight with their partner and they need someone to talk to. They may end abruptly when the fight is finished or they may continue if a person feels that this relationship is providing me something I don’t have in my own marriage.
Why are there more affairs now than in olden days?
I believe there have always been affairs. People are more open and accepting of it now, so they have come out in the open. Earlier if a woman was unhappy in a marriage, she would find happiness in children, friends, hobbies, etc. Now, she would just move out to be in another relationship.
Reasons why people get into extra-marital affairs:
Nagging: When you have fallen in love with someone for who they are, then why do you want to change them when you are married to them? If you got married to a person thinking that you would change them then your marriage was destined to end in divorce right from the word go.
When you constantly try to change a person into something that you think is right, then you end up being detested by that person. You may think that your nagging is helping the person and is for their own good, but this could cause long-term damage. When you nag a person, you don’t accept them for who they are. No one likes to be not accepted. No one likes to be rejected. When you reject a person they will drift towards someone who accepts them for who they are and an affair will happen.
Holding on to the Past: Everyone makes mistakes. Men/women tend to remember all old fights and whenever they have a new fight they tend to plug in the past to win an argument. Winning an argument may be a high but in the end, it results in a bigger fight.
Marriage isn’t about winning. Marriage is about making the other person safe and secure. In a successful marriage, people should be able to share things about themselves and be vulnerable and hope not to be judged. If you use a person’s weak moments against him/her, you are destined for destruction.
Not making an argument/fight bigger than it is: A lot of couples fight and hold a grudge and make the fight bigger and bigger. If their partner has pointed out something they have done, they would memorise that incident and wait for the partner to make the same mistake and point it out to them and give them guilt. They would just not end a fight. Carry it on for days. Involve friends, family and children in it.
Slam the door at each other, be sarcastic and unaccomodating. People forget that life is very short and they married each other for a reason. If they take a step in making the marriage better, their partner would too or if they see that their partner is trying to change, they should support their partner so the fight can end and their actions can lead to a fruitful change and a stronger bond for both.
Sex: People take their sex lives for granted and never do anything new or exciting with their partners.
We are exposed to so much content online and we look at people trying so many different things that it is easy to be tempted but if you have a fulfilling marriage and can successfully communicate to your partner what you want, you are likely to end up happier than other couples who are just too shy to share. Always express and experiment to keep things fresh.
Lack of Attraction: This is a very huge cause of divorce. Some people are just not attracted to their partners and find other men/women attractive. You may scream and yell at the person for not being attracted to you and be angry but it is what it is. They are just not attracted to you.
Now, you can try and change yourself by losing weight, working out, trying a makeover, etc. but if your partner isn’t still attracted to you it is best to find the best solution by talking to your partner about what can be done to deal with this. Therapy could be an option. Therapy isn’t a bad option but you can’t force someone to be attracted to someone they are not attracted to.
When a person is having an affair, they may not be able to see the bigger picture. Tunnel vision may lead you to bigger problems. The person may not realise that if they leave their family they will have a huge baggage of guilt that will not let them lead a happy life with a new partner. A relationship is all about giving. So, if you baggage of guilt is really huge, you will never be able to give. Hence, you will never be able to be in a successful relationship. You married your partner for a reason. Try to rediscover that reason and make it work. There isn’t any end to hopping from one person to the other. Try to change yourself to expect a change in your partner. Remember, the grass always seems greener on the other side. It may not be.